A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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