Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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