hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
