I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
