Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize