As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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