So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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