i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
