you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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