i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
