A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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