Will you blow on my dice?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
