I have demons in me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want to make out with him forever
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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