She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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