while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize