About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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