i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
