Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So apparently I’m into choking now
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