It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
