Don't make out with my wife yet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
