you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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