just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
