my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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