I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
