Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
