on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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