I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
