took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's just like the Real World with babies
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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