I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
