We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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