your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize