Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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