i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
