Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
