So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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