i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
