I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
