i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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