Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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