haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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