she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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