saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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