I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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