I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize