On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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