"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
