Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
