Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
