where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
