it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
