I heard we made out
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
