rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
