Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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