i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
