oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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