No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
