I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
