she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize