Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
