He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize