Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
