how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
