He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
