Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
