Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
