So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have aggressive nipples.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
