The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
