Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
